April Fools
April begins with a wink and a nod to the fools of the world. And though none of us wants to appear foolish, it's inevitable that at some time you fell for a hoax, at some point you've made a really bad call, and it's inevitable that somewhere along the line you've been the butt of the joke. These experiences of awkwardness, discomfort, and exposure are the kinds of social pains we learn early on to avoid. We may have taken a fashion risk that didn't pay off, really put ourselves out there promoting a solution nobody else supported, or said those three little words to someone who couldn't say them back. Nobody wants to be the fool. In fact, many people make life decisions, both big and small, based entirely on their determination to not make a mistake.
In the archetypal symbolism of the Tarot, the Fool represents innocence and naivety, but he also embodies a lack of guile, and an ability to live fully in the present moment. The past has not hardened his heart. He has had his share of disappointments, he has made his share of mistakes, his belief may not have been based in reason, but he doesn't carry any of that baggage with him. He travels light. The Fool is perpetually at the beginning of his path; every step is a step into the unknown. He is unaware of what challenges lie ahead, and unarmored against the inevitable hardships he will face. He just keeps moving. The fool is not reliving regrets from the past, and neither is he worried about the troubles that are still before him. He proceeds, one step at a time, with absolute, open-hearted trust.
On this day, as our nation, and many others around the world, look ahead at an entire month of continued social distancing and restricted interactions, I know many people are feeling heavy of heart. I know that many people are afraid for their health, their loved ones, and the economic and political ramifications of this response. And others are feeling grief, loss, and disorientation at the separation from their routines, their communities, their income sources, and their professional identities. As I go through my day, I feel each of these feelings in turn, and occasionally happen upon some hope, or curiosity, or real appreciation in the mix. I understand my approach as one of “navigating uncertainties.” Somehow, this phrase came to me early in the crisis and it has stuck as sort of a descriptive and prescriptive mantra for me. One way I do this is by asking questions, to engage with myself in the context of the present moment: What am I feeling at this moment? What am I afraid of, and what am I wanting? What is one thing I can do to take action in this moment? What parts of this are not within my power to change?
Today, the message of the Fool is really a much needed one for me, personally. Right now, when I so badly want to fast forward ahead to the time when all of this is resolved, when it makes sense, when we all collectively sigh in relief, and I can get on with my life as I had planned it—now is when I most need to practice being in the present moment. I love the work I do, and I look forward to being able to serve and care for others through my work as a massage therapist, yoga instructor, and educator. There is pain in the loss of my connections with my clients and students at this time, and there is fear that perhaps everything won't fall back neatly into place when all is said and done. But right now, in the absence of the work I love, my job is to be a good human being. And I see my job as a human being is, in part, to sit with those feelings and allow them to soften me, create space in me, and teach me that I am capable of feeling both loss and uncertainty without rejecting the beauty of the present moment.
I wish health and peace of mind to all who may read these words. May you find your way through these challenging times, and may you do so with an open-heart and a beginner's mind.
